What happens when the milk runs out?

When I was in the hospital, the nurses and doctors always said how breastfeeding was better for your baby. What happens when the milk runs out?

For the past two months I had no problem supplying milk for my little boy... actually I made so much that I had to freeze a lot of it. Unfortunately, I have no more frozen bottles since I am not making enough milk. I eat right, stay hydrated and pump when I should, I am just all out. I feel so bad about it too. Today I was feeding him his formula and started to cry. I felt I needed to apologize because I couldn't make the milk he likes to eat. I know he's not crazy about the formula- he makes a face and turns his head away.

Ever since I have started giving him the formula I have noticed that he has become much gassier and slightly constipated. So what did I do? I switched the formula. I chose something that was for sensitive bellies and so far that seems to work for him. With the new formula he is not as constipated which is good and he can tolerate it well (that means not too many spit ups!) .

I still feel bad about not having the milk for him, but I have to look on the bright side of this.... at least I found something that he will eat that helps him grow. That is all I can ask for right now!

-J

Perfect in my arms

I just want to start out this blog by saying that every day I wake up and realize how lucky I really am. I have a beautiful little boy and a wonderful boyfriend that helps me all the time!

I was lucky enough to sleep in today- my boyfriend took care of the baby and let me sleep. It was a much needed sleep and I feel so much better- better than I have in a few weeks! Waking up every few hours has really done a number on me and it has changed my baby a lot too! I have noticed that he has gotten so much bigger and now have to get rid of some of his clothes- especially the preemie ones.

Hopefully he doesn't grow too fast because I really enjoy him being small right now- he fits perfectly in my arms!

-J

Time management baby!

Day after day I realize how hard it is to take care of a child. The sleepless nights start to get to me around mid morning and I feel like I need a shot of espresso to help get me through the day. Most days I feel like there should be more hours in the day and that I should be doing more productive things. Sleeping is not one of those productive things on the list... but today was a different story. i ventured out with my baby in tow to my grandmothers house for lunch. She says the same thing every time she sees him- that he looks like a little doll and that he is so small. It's true- he is small, but i really do not think that he looks like a doll.

I must admit that I feel really good about making her happy. She was very surprised to see us because she thought she would be having lunch with my sister and cousin. When we walked in i think we caught her off guard but she was just so happy to see the baby. She always worries that she will not have enough food when there are unexpected guests... but she always seems to make enough for a small army.

I found it interesting that my cousin had no idea that the baby was there until my grandmother said something about him. He was sleeping in his car seat in the next room... I guess no one really notices him unless he is crying or if he is being carried around. Maybe it's a good thing?

So now that I have gotten off the subject, let me get back on it. My day today ended up being really productive and I am so proud of myself for it. I managed my time really well if I do say so myself. I was able to get myself and the baby ready and out of the house by 11ish, get to my moms house to meet my sister, feed the baby while we were there, go to my grandmothers house for lunch, go food shopping for the essentials while my sister stayed with the baby in the car and wait for my sister to get out of the motorcycle shop with riding gloves for her husband. After all that, I dropped my sister off at my moms and then headed for home.

I felt a little bit like super mom today... you know... with super strength! I was able to carry the baby in his car seat up to the sixth floor of the building that we live in while holding the diaper bag, my purse and three grocery bags. They were heavy bags! Some of the items included eggs and a gallon of milk- not the kind of stuff that is easy to carry! So yeah... that made me feel like super mom..... maybe I am crazy, maybe I am not, but I really feel good about doing all of that heavy lifting when I would have never dreamed of doing it.

I have also noticed that my baby is getting VERY attached to me... He loves to sleep being held or being in a room with people. He doesn't like sleeping in a room by himself. He starts to cry when he is alone and knows which cries will get me to run to him faster. He is such a smart cookie! I know I am going to be in trouble when he is a little older but I feel that for now it's okay to spoil him a little bit. I would rather spoil the snot out of my baby than to neglect him. I hope you would agree with me.

Anyway, I must be going so I can finish up the dishes and get ready for bed while the baby is still sleeping. Have a good night everyone!

-J

Nearing the end of maternity leave

The more time I spend at home, the more I worry about myself financially. I told my job that I would be taking a full 12 weeks for maternity leave- it includes my family leave time as well and that should be returning to work sometime in the beginning of September. As time goes by I wonder how i am going to take care of my baby and work. My boyfriend and I had discussed different options, haven't decided on anything yet, but I do feel like I need to go back- like my job needs me. I am not quite sure why I feel that way but I do. I know I have a beautiful little baby here with me who depends on me for everything. He is a full time job... just without the money and the insurance. I am so torn about going back to work. I know my mom would take care of him for a day a week and that my grandmother had even offered to care for if I needed to go back to work. I could call the girl in charge of scheduling at my job and ask if I would work part time, maybe 2 days a week. It is an option, but I just hate to worry about my future. I think I need to win the lottery... that would do it!

My other concern is if I can not get anyone to watch the baby while I am at work, what day care (gasp!) can I put my son in. I really don't like day cares... they are breeding grounds for germs with all the kids running around. I am not saying they are all bad... it is just my personal opinion that I do not care for them and really would not like my son to be put into one. I know that there is a minimum age that a child has to be to be enrolled in a day care and also has to have certain vaccines. I still have yet to speak to the pediatrician about vaccines... the last visit he said the baby was too small to have the vaccines- he's not supposed to be here yet!

So as the days and nights go on, I am faced with this dilemma. What do I do? Or, i guess I could just say that about life in general right now... There is no hand book on how to go through like with a newborn... you just kind of wing it and take as much advice from as many people as you can! That is all I can do right now... and if people offer their help, take it! That is why I have been so appreciative of my mom coming over. She always brings some food that she knows I like (it is hard when you can't go out food shopping, especially when the baby can not go near crowds) and always takes the baby so I can relax a little. She really does help me.

Well, the baby is waking up now.... it must be that time again... feeding time!

Till next time,

-J

A brief intro to Motherhood

Taking care of a baby is definitely hard work. I feel like I have no time to do anything that I used to do- everything is so rushed now, like showers, eating, pumping and sleeping. I feel like I need a class on how to manage my time while handling a newborn. If anyone has tips on how to do this, please let me know. It is so difficult for me right now, especially with the lack of sleep!

I never really understood how mothers handle bringing their children to the doctor, especially when they have more than one! I went to the eye doctor with my baby yesterday (all is well with him, it was just a routine check since he's a preemie) and there was a woman with three little boys. Two of them were able to walk- they must have been about 5 or 6 years old and then she was carrying the other while pushing an empty stroller. The little boy she was holding must have been two at the very least, but I just could not understand how she was there with three and I was having a hard enough time with one.

I had the diaper bag, my purse and him in the big clunky car seat. After taking him in and out of the car and carrying him around with the car seat I realized that I really should have started lifting weights to prepare myself for everything I would be carrying. The hear made it even worse because I was sweating while doing all of this. I am sure that whoever is reading this that has already had their children is saying "Welcome to motherhood" while thinking that I haven't experienced anything yet. I guess I just have to wait... I am sure it will all get better and that it will get easier for me as time goes on.

Well it just so happens that my little man is starting to cry, probably because its time for him to eat so that is my cue to end it here.

Till next time!
-J

Preemie care - the first few days

Thursday July 30th was the day we were able to bring our little guy home. I will not lie - it is hard taking care of a baby and with lack of sleep it makes things harder. The first day he was home we had so many people here that it was very hard to get into a routine with the baby and for the next two days the baby was not right either. His feeding schedule was off as well as his sleeping schedule. Too many hands grabbing him and too many people kissing him. He made it very difficult that night for us, but I think we should have limited the amount of people who came over. I am not saying it wasn't nice seeing everyone- it was, but it was too much for our little 4 lb 11 oz baby.

After the first night, my boyfriend and I looked at each other and were so happy that we all survived. Things that were going through my head that night included things like 'is he breathing?', 'how is his temperature?' and 'did i feed him enough?'. I was also very hot here so we had the A/C on that night and I was afraid that he would be too cold. We also had to keep music on for him to go to sleep- the NICU was very noisy all the time with alarms chiming and nurses talking constantly. I think we are doing well trying to make it comfortable for him.

While making it comfortable for our little one, I have realized that being woken up every few hours really takes a toll on your body. We both have noticed dark circles under our eyes and our skin is also different from how it was before baby came. It is just exhausting taking care of a newborn, physically and mentally.

Since he came home I have noticed that he has been really comfortable with all the attention he has been getting. I have been holding him a lot... partially because when I was at the hospital with him, I was only allowed to hold him for a certain amount of time until the nurses told me to put him back. He cries and I pick him up. He looks at me and I pick him up. He sleeps and I pick him up... all I want to do is hold him and kiss him and now he has gotten so used to me being there that when he cries and I come in, he stops crying because he knows I will pick him up. If I have him laying on his boppy I just have to hold his hand and he is calm and quiet.

I have noticed that he only cries when there is a need... like if he is too gassy or if he is hungry. Other than that he is quiet. I feel like I can sit there and hold him for hours just staring at him. Actually, just holding him is so relaxing for me that it is so easy to fall asleep with him in my arms. I know it is not good to do, but it happens. I am sure other people have fallen asleep holding their babies too.

I also found that it is more and more difficult to keep in touch with anyone from the outside world. I know there is email, this blog and my cell phone, but I can't always make or take a call and I feel bad. I am in the apartment all day and night and I feel like I am neglecting the baby if I do decide to make a call or write a quick email. I don't like that feeling, but I know it is not good to shut everyone and everything out either. I need to keep in touch with family and friends to stay sane. The only reason I don't feel bad writing this right now is because the baby is asleep in his daddy's arms watching the baseball game...bonding.

On that note, I must get the bottle ready for his next feeding and prepare myself to pump. If there is anyone with suggestions on anything I have written, please post a comment.... I do like hearing from other people who have been in similar situations as I am in.

-J